A series of Unfortunate Events(From a 1st world perspective)

I debated how to write this entry, as I wanted to share with everyone the unfortunate hilarity that plagued our house this past week. Yet, I felt like after my 'woe-is-me-I-have-Scoliosis-and-it-doesn't-even-hurt' post, that I should not follow up with more whining from a middle class American.

 But I'm going to.

It started out when Andy left his iPhone in a Humvee. Not in a friends car. Not on the desk at work. In a Humvee. Even though we've had an Army filled life for the past 2 years, somethings still catch me off guard. Long story short, there is no hope recovering the phone. Hopefully a bearded lizard out in the Mojave drug it back to it's hole and used the remaining battery listening to Toby Keith, Kenny Loggins, and the theme song to Robin Hood prince of thieves. (I try to keep Andy on his toes, musically).

So many ways to lose a phone from this vehicle..

That is my best assumption. In reality, someone probably found it and doesn't feel like trying to give it back. Someone took Andy's coffee mug after a giant formation of soldiers and I guess he had a little melt down in front of some people. Luckily, I had purchased a 2 pack from Costco, so I wrote his name all of the second one. I should have thought to write his name on the iPhone too...

Anyhow: I had planned on upgrading my phone once I got to Alaska in July. My iPhone has been awesome, but I'm wearing it out, and if anyone follows the facebook photos I put up, the quality is getting horrible. Why not get a nice camera instead? According to Andy, I still believe money grows on trees and I was told to make a "want" list...and when I get a job I'm allowed to buy those items with my own money. He's lucky is so handsome, otherwise I would have taken that statement and bought the car that had the built in DVD system.

The whole reason I was waiting to purchase a phone in Alaska was because California charges $50 in taxes to purchase an iPhone. I am not going to rant, but I do feel cheated. I do believe in taxes, and I understand why they are needed...but I do NOT believe in the tax of an electronic that is not the same across the country.

So what happened? I paid it anyways. Only one of our lines was eligible for upgrade, and we sucked it up and paid our dues to California. This state will be lucky if it sees ONE cent from us after we leave. (watch, now Clara will want to go to UCSD for college). So, as I write this blog, I am waiting for the post man to deliver the new phone. That means I haven't even showered, because you KNOW the one time I'm in no condition to answer a door bell, he'll ring it 4 times.

On Thursday Andy left into the field around 4 am. Because he is phoneless, and I think where they were running a mission he did not even have service, I have not been able to talk with him. It's frustrating, but like I've said before, I know he's only 20 miles out in the desert playing war, so I'll be okay.

But, while he was gone, I endured a series of unfortunate events with Clara.

It all started when she woke up way too early for her own good. Because she had begun to hit inanmiate objects and yell at the music playing while I did the dishes, she earned herself an early nap in her crib. About 5 minutes of crying protests go by and her cries turn into painful shrieks. I raced up the stairs at an incredible speed to find poor little Clara's leg WEDGED between two bars of her crib. I know she did this on purpose, but I don't think she took into account that her knees are larger than the rest of her leg (right, because she is only 18 months) and her poor right like was stuck bad.
I quickly, but gently, tried to ease her leg back into the crib, and poor scared Clara screamed louder in pain. I tried to maniptulate the cheap wood horizontally, to see if it would give just enough for Clara's leg to go back into the crib. It would not budge.



In the one or two seconds I stopped to think of my options, Clara looked at me with so much fear and pain that I summoned all my he-man mama bear woman strength and I ripped the bar clean off the crib.

Hopefully Andy has learned his lesson in proper photo etiquette

 She was pretty upset after the whole ordeal, and she has two dark bruises on either side of her knee. I guess this was Clara's newest way of telling us she was ready for a change in the sleeping department. You may notice that her mattress is lower than her crib frame. That was our attempt to keep her from climbing out of her crib, as she had done on the lowest crib setting back in February. You may recall 'rug burn Clara'...and she didn't climb out, she threw herself from the crib. We caught her in the act.

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I decided to use this experience to turn her crib into a big girl bed!  It looked really promising, until I tried to leave the room and let Clara take a nap.

 
After an Hour of trying everything, (all those toys and blankets) I finally turned her big girl bed into a 3 sided crib and she fell asleep.

As of today, she has slept like a champ all night long in her "big girl bed". She woke up this morning, walked into my room, and patted me on the arm while making the 'hungry' sign. But today for nap time, I had to turn it back into the 3 sided crib. She is so worried she is going to miss something, I think the 'open' side of the bed is way too damn tempting.

So as it stands. 3 sided crib for naps...big girl bed for night time. It's progress :)

I have to wrap this post up with the story of the death of my Kindle. (See, I told you this was filled with 1st world woes)





I found Clara a pair of plastic pink high heels a few weeks ago. They are way too big and, like her mother, her foot is way too wide to fit into a normal heeled shoe. But she stomps around in them all the same.

During one of her stomping/cat walk struts. She tripped and fell up against the wall.

Well, since I am such a horrible mother, I laughed out loud before I covered my mouth to hide my smile.

Clara went from aspiring teenager to full pissed Godzilla. And that was when the rampage began. 

This is the result of Clara-zilla above

 RIP in Kindle. You were no match for 30 pounds of force reigning down up on you from the misunderstood stomp of a toddler. Thank you for getting me through over a 100 books.

I will leave this blog with a thanks to Kelsey Cebula, who said I could have her old one :)

And with this picture of the three of us at the Drive In watching Madagascar 3. Clara refered to it as "mommit mommit", since I pumped her up with "I like to move it move it" for the past 3 weeks in preparation for the movie :)